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.heart skipped a beat.

Introduced to them via the track Crystalized last month…one of my new favorites.

And I was struggling to get in
Left waiting outside your door
I was sure
You’d give me more

No need to come to me
When I can make it all the way to you
You made it clear
You weren’t near
Near enough for me

Heart skipped a beat
And when I caught it you were out of reach
But I’m sure, I’m sure
You’ve heard it before

hang on.

never too soon
oh, reckless abandon
like no one’s watching you
a moment a love
a dream, aloud
a kiss,a cry
our rights,our wrongs
a moment a love
a dream aloud…

so stay there
cause I’ll be coming over
and while our blood’s still young
it’s so young, it runs
and won’t stop til it’s over
won’t stop to surrender…

Temper Trap – Sweet Disposition

 

.move.

So many times we feel stuck – paralyzed by fear, pressure, comfort even. We let idle minds and idleness in general overtake our thoughts and actions. Afraid to speak up – afraid of making the wrong move, threading too carefully, allowing ourselves to walk on eggshells. Don’t you just want to scream? Dance, cry, sing out? We aren’t meant to sit all day long in our suffocating offices dedicating our lives to a paycheck and daydreaming of a life that seems impossible. It’s not true human instinct. It’s not human nature to tiptoe around what we want, and desire – to ignore primal urges and responses. We have been conditioned to act a certain way, behave properly, mind our business, keep our heads down – get to work, don’t cause trouble for anyone else. Are your personal wants and happiness impeding on those closest to you? Well, then we are taught to hold it in – march on, and hope for the best.  Don’t aggravate, or annoy. It’s completely counter-productive -  we walk around like bombs waiting to explode. Just MOVE.

 

Move on from people causing pain. Move on from those with heavy negative energies that don’t appreciate you. Move away from places that you hate. Let go of a past that weighs you down. Move toward the things that will ultimately enrich your life. Be yourself – go after that which makes you happy. Don’t just sit there and dream or talk about it – do it. Move with those that are on the same path as you -  that want the same things, that will support and love you. Recognize truth, and people who will be dedicated and loyal – and don’t let them get away. How many times do we have a million excuses ready as to why we can’t have what we truly want? Are they valid – or is it just fear dictating and controlling our lives? Fear which distinguishes the passion inside of us. Fear and idleness – blinding us from the riches that are smacking us right in our face.

 

A tangled web inside of  all the things you want and don’t have – knotted, making it difficult to breathe.  That’s not a way to live. Do you want to wake up one day and think back at all the things you truly wanted but were afraid to do? Regretting the wasting away of formative years. Regretting not going after that opportunity, or the love of your life? Ugh. How many things do we just let slip on by without a fight?

 

Don’t run away – but keep on moving.

 

Damien Rice – Coconut Skins

You can hold her hand
and show her how you cry
explain to her your weakness so she understands
and then roll over and die
or you can brave decisions
before you crumble up inside
spend your time asking everyone else’s permission
then run away and hide

you can hold her eggs
but your basket has a hole
you can lie between her legs and go looking for..
tell her you’re searching for her soul
or you can wait for ages
watch your compost turn to coal
but time is contagious
everybody’s getting old

or you can sit on chimneys

put some fire up your a@@

Sunset Rubdown – Idiot Heart

Stay away from open windows, and put the telephone down.

Can you run as fast as this house will fall, when the alarm bell sounds?

No, I was never much of a dancer but I know enough to know you gotta move your idiot body around.

And you can’t, can’t settle down until the idiot in your blood settles down.

So move around, oh move around, oh move around…

 

 

.understand.

“Run your fingers through my soul.
For once, just once, feel exactly what I feel,believe what I believe, perceive as I perceive, look, experience, examine, and for once; just once, understand…”

Aqualung – Strange & Beautiful (I’ll Put a Spell on You)



I’ve been watching your world from afar,
I’ve been trying to be where you are,
And I’ve been secretly falling apart,
unseen…
To me, you’re strange and you’re beautiful,
You’d be so perfect with me but you just can’t see,
You turn every head but you don’t see me.

We all crave to be understood, truly understood. Even better – entering into a relationship with mutual understanding, respect, trust, and empathy. Then, well, you’re golden :)

.grizzly bear.

Love them…

Brooklyn based indie band that are a favorite of Radiohead…

Gorgeous vocal harmonies…

GBpress2009mar01HR

Grizzly Bear – He Hit Me (cover)

He hit me
and it felt like a kiss.
He hit me
and I knew he loved me

If he didn’t care for me
I could have never made him mad
but he hit me,
and I was glad…

Grizzly Bear – Two Weeks

Grizzly Bear – Two Weeks (fred falke remix) (yum)


Save up all the days
A routine malaise
Just like yesterday
I told you I would stay
Would you always?
Maybe sometimes?
Make it easy?
Take your time…

Grizzly Bear – Knife (Live on KEXP) – First song ever I heard from them…was a favorite (still is) back around Sept of last year.

I want you to know
When I look in your eyes
With every blow
Comes another lie

You think it’s alright…
Can’t you feel the knife?

.mouth shut.

mouthshut2

My grief lies all within, and these external manners of lament are merely shadows to the unseen grief that swells with silence in the tortured soul… – William Shakespeare

Sometimes, it’s best to remain quiet…silent where others would impulsively run their mouth rendering them foolish. Biting your tongue – when it’s easier to say something hurtful or ignorant is, I think, a sign of maturity and growth.

Other times, being silent, whether it be in keeping things inside in order to maintain balance, the peace within a situation/relationship, or to protect guarded feelings, could become extremely harmful to oneself. I have been struggling with this all my life. Not speaking up, burying feelings, thoughts, fears deep inside. I let things eat away and feel pressure, anxiety, frustration, stress. A combination of experiences has led me to deal this way. Worse still are times I try to break free of this pattern only to be met with a negative response -leading me to retreat even further- burying thoughts deeper. I try to avoid conflict at all costs – even if that is at the sacrifice of my own self and sanity. I think I am in the process of growing, and learning, that it’s best to let things out – in pretty much all areas of your life. At times – conflict is necessary in order to resolve issues at hand.  With relationships especially – I am leading up to the full realization that if someone truly loves you — it is safe to speak (or it should be), and arguments don’t automatically lead to separation.  Love needs to allow both people the feeling of security to enable an open, healthy flow of communication. Otherwise, it could lead to resentment, suspicion, rejection, etc preventing the overall growth of the relationship.

Until I completely reach that level, there is a constant battle within myself as to when to speak up, and when it’s best to keep my mouth shut. I tend to err on the side of caution (well, OK, with some things) I do have to say – it is a refreshing feeling to let go and no longer be afraid to open up. ;) I don’t want to be scared to talk to my lover – that’s… stupid.

I love this song – and even though it’s more of a breakup song – because it has the lines “I can’t speak to you”, I felt it was a good enough excuse to share.

Azure Ray – Sleep

And so I’m reaching out for the one
And so I’ve learned the meaning of the sun
And all this like a message comes
To shift my point of view
I’m watching through my own light
As it tints the shade of you

Hold my wine hold it in
Nobody’s lost but nobody wins
I can’t sleep
I can’t speak to you

Sound Of Silence

“Fools,” said I, “you do not know
Silence like a cancer grows
Hear my words that I might teach you
Take my arms that I might reach you”
But my words like silent raindrops fell
And echoed
In the wells of silence…

.Jessie Angel.

I don’t know how to fix this…especially because I am not sure where exactly it went terribly wrong. I think back, and there were a few times I probably could have taken the initiative, ignored “warnings”, and did what would have ended up being the best…but I didn’t. Instead, I go about my days with this empty anxious feeling. I miss my friend.

mejess2 mejsdo

If she were to read my blog (which I am not sure if she ever did) – I know her exact reaction to this posting. An eye roll, maybe some words describing how ridiculous I am, thoughts of me being a coward for writing instead of confronting, anger that this is out there, etc. But I felt and to this day still feel stuck. A friend is not a lover — but should you go after them the same way you would when fighting for your love? I don’t know those answers…

What I do know is I never missed a friend like this. It feels like a dull heartbreak – an emptiness. I felt this person would be in my life no matter what forever. At my wedding, and I’d be there at hers. When we start families – I pictured us all together – our children becoming friends. Now all I have is a gift bag on the floor that’s been there since August and I can’t bring myself to put it away.

Maybe it was just bad timing of everything. Pivotal events all happening at once, mixed with a job that has reduced my social life (and social skill) by oh…75% – but whatever it was…it sucks. As we get older, our circle of friends become smaller because you realize who matters, who loves you, and who brings good energy to your life. I never thought, even with how different we can be from one another, that we would drift apart. It’s made me reflect on my character and exam some behaviors. I have a tendency at times to disappear and retreat into my own little world. Sometimes for a couple of days, other times-months. Most people in my life know this about me and are fine with it…but it’s made me think that perhaps a little more effort on my part could go a long way. I love those close to me deeply, but I only show/display an affectionate side typically with a lover. In other words, my feelings inside aren’t always obvious.

I finally feel like other aspects of my life are coming together. I am madly happily in love with an amazing woman and there’s lots to look forward to … it just feels a little depressing not being able to share this with a person you considered family. Miss you very much jerk.

Amanda Ghost – Blood On the Line

“I don’t know how to make amends

I don’t know how this story ends…

And all the words that you don’t hear

Will rise and deafen in your ears

I don’t understand the signs but

Lord I know I’m not blind

That’s my blood on the line…”

Probably the weirdest remix I’ve ever heard but…I like it even with the strange background noises. This is Patrick Wolf’s remix of Manic Street Preachers – This Joke Sport Severed.

Manic Street Preachers (Journal For Plague Lovers Remixes EP - Front)

This Joke Sport Severed (Patrick Wolf’s Love Letter To Richey Remix)

The original (I’m not crazy about it):

Jealousy sows rejection with a kiss
In silken palms that tear bone from skin
This joke sport severed, I endeavoured
To find a place where I became untethered


“A simple gesture that can express love and reverence — or insult and betrayal. A kiss is never just a kiss”

A song that’s been in my iTunes forever(3 years) and I’d always skip it when it started for some reason…Now I listen 10 times a day. Love the singer’s voice and the piano.

The duet is French so the improper English makes it even more charming. Their name (written AaRON) stands for:  Artificial Animals Riding on Neverland (don’t ask me).

Aaron – U-turn (Lili)


For every street of any scene
Any place you’ve never been
I’ll be your guide

Easy as a kiss we’ll find an answer
Put all your fears back in the shade
Don’t become a ghost without no color
Cause you’re the best paint life ever made

One of their French songs:

Don’t Explain

One of my favorite songs…and stumbled across Cat Power’s version for the first time (can’t believe it took me this long to discover)… It’s different, more raw, and angry…sexy.

My Fav Version:

Angela McCluskey-Don’t Explain

Hush now, don’t explain
You’re my joy and pain
My lifes’ yours love
Don’t explain…

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